| It's four in the morning once again
These thoughts of mind keep running through my head
A special someone - a real good friend
Keeping me awake while I'm lying in bed
All the words left unspoken
All the words I never said
So many memories I've left broken
Echo like ghosts moaning inside of my head
I should have come clean
Show you the feeling that I really mean
Writings on the wall that needed to be read
All ended up as words left unspoken, never said
Every time I had a chance
To say that I love you
To take a hard stance
On what you mean to me
My mind screamed what had to be done
I couldn't open my mouth and let the words free
Another misstep that I might have won
The chances are fading they're far and few
I should've let you know how much I cared
Like a car fading out of view
I was too afraid to know how I would have fared
All the words left unspoken
All the words I never said
So many memories I've left broken
Echo like ghosts moaning inside of my head
I should have come clean
Show you the feeling that I really mean
Writing on the walls that needed to be read
All ended up as words left unspoken, never said
Had I the time
Had I the place
I'd tell you I'd love you
I'd say it to your face
Show you the feeling I hold inside
Damn my defenses may it be a saving grace
I can't hold back, no not this time
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| I Still Miss You
So I did something Tuesday night that I haven't done in a long time, and also, haven't ever done. It was amazing, and I went to bed knowing in the morning that it would be the best day I've had in a long time.
It wasn't. I don't know why, but the smile never came. The day went like Hell - I managed to survive the 3rd round of layoffs, but there's still no work to be done. That, and I found out today that someone had gone around and told most everyone I knew that I had been laid off. I always thought that when the drought ended it would be a great day, but I feel so guilty - like I let myself down. I don't want to be misleading, it was amazing at the time, but it just doesn't feel right. I don't want to be perceived in such a way, and I thought it would be so much more special.
I'm losing what hope I had left quickly. I'm going to try and get my old job back - this one isn't worth the money if it's going to drive me insane and/or leave me crippled. Even if it means working for two-thirds of the pay again, I wouldn't mind at this point. I also, while I had expected it, am still surprised that my last novella-length post here that only one person made any mention to me at all about it. It also happened to be someone I haven't seen in months, much less heard from. As I said, I had expected such, but to actually see that my pessimism was proven correct feels terrible. It only heightens my desire to cancel all of my service contracts, sell off all my electronics, and leave the town without so much as a word with no real plan or set destination.
Whenever I do go abroad, I have noticed that the farther away I am from my home, the better mood I am in. I'm exhausted of all the bullshit I'm being forcibly fed, all the drama I have nothing to do with although I get dragged into it regardless, all of the careless whispers that have empty promises and all the hopes and dreams that come with them. I'm tired of it. I can't stand any of it any more.
I'm not sure why I actually bother with any of this at all. I feel as if it's some kind of pathetic cry for help that I know wouldn't come, nor would want either, not when every other time I had hoped someone would save me from myself ended with hypocrisy and false promises.
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| What Would You do if...
I cried:
I asked you to help:
I died from natural causes:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:
I did something that you could never forgive me for:
What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Mannerisms:
Family:
Body:
Friends:
Decisions:
Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Have Sex with me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
Date me:
Rape me:
Beat me up: |
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| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BiSWd4fHL4
I've debated long and hard over what song I felt fit my life. This plays to my every circumstance and desire.
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